You work out of a Hotel?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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