i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize