yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
