I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
