can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
