I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
