for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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