she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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