you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize