Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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