So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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