Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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