how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
