i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
