Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize