I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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