just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
