Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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