if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
