my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
