I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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