when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
