end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i barfeds in our rink
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
