this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
