and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Send help, water and tortillas.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
