Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
