Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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