You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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