I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
