Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
