why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
