He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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