There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize