I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
