hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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