is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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