Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize