So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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