Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
