if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
