i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
