her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
