Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
