I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize