If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
only if we run a train.
done.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
