I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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