My girlfriend figured out who you are.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
