I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
