Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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