Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
