Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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