ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
