Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
