I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
