I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize