if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
