I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
