Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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