I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
