Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
