So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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