dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
