i permit you to call me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
