I accidentally burped into my bong.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
be right there i have to get my cape
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
