We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
