I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize