these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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