Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
