Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize