Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
