Im at strip club and am horny
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize