whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
