Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
