The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
