A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
