he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
