AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want her autograph on my taint
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
