is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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