I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
