Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
