i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
