My pussy is not your playground.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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