If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
