Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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