Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need water and some morals
I deserve this hangover.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize