I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
