$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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