do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
