I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
